When The Door Slams
For such are false apostles, deceitful workers, transforming themselves into apostles of Christ. And no wonder! For Satan himself transforms himself into an angel of light. Therefore it is no great thing if his ministers also transform themselves into ministers of righteousness, whose end will be according to their works. (2 Corinthians 11:13-15 NKJV)
But you, O Lord, who abides forever--you are not angry with us in our fumbling blindness. You are so merciful to us. It was pleasing to you to reshape the deformity that was causing my blindness. It was the darkness of my soul hiding in plain slight, his name is deception and his game is to deceive.
Now I see that I was searching for the answer outwardly--trying to reason with my mind the best way to escape deception--with the freeing knowledge I sought could come only by your Spirit as it brings inner light. As long as I kept struggling in this way, I was unable to return to the place where my soul might receive fullness, well-being, rest and joy.
All of the "roaring and groaning" of my spiritual desire to overcome this evil in my heart. You kept stirring me with the sense that I was missing some secret goodness that is Your Spirit. You kept me in a state of restlessness. Finally, I saw, inwardly, the truth about the origin of evil. The darkness of my soul that hide in plain sight.
I saw how superior I felt, in my striving for spiritual well-being and sufficiency--but in all this striving I was still totally inferior to The Holy Spirit. I had been so blind to what I was doing, because deception is like a spiritual wound to the face, swelling shut the inner eyes of understanding. And through this swollenness of deception, I was deceive and separated from You. But the Lord Jesus healing hand applied to my eyes a stinging ointment that cause my pride and self-sufficiency to subside. What was this stinging ointment?
Think about this: I was given a true understanding and repent for my sinful condition. And at the same time that I was observe myself in this way, I looked upon my Lord and His mercy for me...From that day to this, I have kept that wholesome sorrow for my sins--sorrow that cause me to run to my Lord Jesus for the healing of my soul, and not away from Him in my deception, deceiving myself thinking that I can somehow prove my worthiness. For I see now that deception, pride and self-sufficiency before You--is the source of evil in me. So I come to the Lord daily--weak, hungry and in need of the Holy Spirit flowing through me--that my troubled and darkened soul may gain Your light and strength.
Affirmation: Some sat in darkness, in utter darkness, prisoners suffering in iron chains, because they rebelled against God's commands and despised the plan of the Most High. So he subjected to better labor; they stumbled, and there was no one to help. (Psalm 107:10-12 NIV)
Ask the Holy Spirit to search your heart and reveal any areas of unconfessed sin. Acknowledge these to the LORD and thank Him for His forgiveness.
Never Rest Ministries