Often Girls Who Bully Have Been Bullied

                                                 When The Door Slams

 A desire fulfilled is sweet to the soul, but to turn away from evil is an abomination to fools. Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm. Disaster pursues sinners, but the righteous are rewarded with good.                                                                                                      (Proverbs 13:19-21 ESV)

            We can, choose who we allow into our circle of influence. Somewhere in the pre-teen years, parents' influence gives way to peers'. For a season, friends loom large on our values and habits. This is good and healthy as young adults learn to make independent decisions. It is necessary, but it can also be dangerous. Patents determine the habits and beliefs of their children up to about age ten. Between ten and sixteen, their friends determine their habits, though parents can still control which friends they spend time with. After kids learn to drive, however, only your previous parenting will prevail on their values. That's why teaching teens to choose their friends wisely is the single most important responsibility of parents during that season.

            1: Anger. Right after Solomon prologue in Proverbs, he wrote to his son about peer pressure: "My son, if sinners entice you, do not consent." Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare" (22:24-25). Young people are often drawn to the brash and bold. It feels exciting to run with the bulls and bully the weak. Be warned. Boys who cant's control their temper often lack a father to control them. Often girls who bully have been bullied. 

            2: Deceit. King David said, I do not sit with men of falsehood, nor do I consort with hypocrites. I hate the assembly of evildoers, and I will not sit with the wicked" (Psalm 26:4-5). Honesty is the foundation of every human relationship. Where there is deception, there can be no intimacy between lovers, no trust in business, no teamwork in sports, and no alliance between nations. Deception is the camouflage for addiction, the weapon of political corruption, and the tool of swindlers, fakes, and thieves. "The deceiver" is the nickname of the Antichrist (2 John 7) and the devil (Revelation 12:9). You can't afford a deceptive friend. 

            3: Pride. Paul warned the Corinthians, "Your bosting is not good (1 Corinthians 5:6). The metaphor about leaven was also used by Jesus in the same context of pride: "Watch and beware of the leaven of the Pharisees and Sadducees" (Matthew 16:6). The Jewish religious leaders opposed Jesus because of his popularity. The desire for power and prominence blinded them. Likewise, the leaders of the Corinthian church opposed Paul because of his influence in the community. A person of pride is easy to identify. They demean others behind their backs and build themselves up to your face. Beware. They are not your friend; you are their puppet. It may feel good to be in the orbit of the proud and popular, but there is far more to lose than gain from their association. 

            Think about this: you may need new friends. I understand your objection: "Didn't Jesus tell us to be salt and light?" Yes, he did (Matthew 5:13-16)! You absolutely should influence those around you. However, your five closest friends will have as great an impact on you as you do on them.  

Meditation In Action: 1: How have you seen negative influences shape your life, whether currently or in a past season? 2: How do you balance positively influencing others and protecting yourself from negative influences? 3: Is there anyone in your circle you need to influence more? Is there anyone you need to allow less influence over you? 4: Which friend has the most influence on your behavior and attitude? 

Meditate on: Matthew 5:13-16; Romans 12:2; 1 Corinthians 15:33.

Ask the Holy Spirit to search your heart and reveal any areas of unconfessed sin. Acknowledge these to the LORD and thank Him for His forgiveness.      

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The Harder It Is To Hear, The More Carefully You Should Listen

                                                   When The Door Slams 

 If you turn at my reproof, behold, I will pour out my spirit to you; I will make my words known to you. Because I have called and you refused to listen, have stretched out my hand and no one has heeded, because you have ignored all my counsel and would have none of my reproof, I also will laugh at your calamity; I will mock when terror strikes you, when terror strikes you like a storm and your calamity comes like a whirlwind, when distress and anguish come upon you. (Proverbs 1:23-27 ESV)

            "A rebuke goes deeper into a man of understanding than a hundred blows into a fools" (Proverbs 17:10). Solomon warned his errant son about this: "My son, do not despise the LORD's  discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the LORD reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights" (3:11-12).

            "If you turn at my reproof, behold, I will pour out my spirit to you; I will make my words known to you" (Proverbs 1:23). Wisdom promises to pour out her spirit on us if we respond to her reproof. Seen through the lens of the New Testament, this wisdom is none other than the Holy Spirit, poured out by Jesus Christ when we reproof (Acts 2:38-39).     

            Responding well to reproof illuminates the path of life (Proverbs 6:23; 10:17). It brings honor (13:18), prudence (15:5), knowledge (19:25), and wisdom (29:15). We all know this is true, but that doesn't make it any easier to hear real truths. Nonetheless, teachable people tend to surpass their peers. 

            Proverbs 15:32 warns, "Whoever ignores instruction despises himself, but he who listens to reproof gains intelligence." This word for "intelligence" is not cognitive knowledge. It's usually translated as "heart." Heeding rebuke develops the right heart in us. Rejecting rebuke puts barriers and creates animosity toward the person who's trying to help us: "Whoever corrects a scoffer gets himself abuse, and he who reproves a wicked man incurs injury. Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you; reprove a wise man, and he will love you" (Proverbs 9:7-8). 

            Fools spurn the person trying to help them. We have a modern proverb: "Don't bite the hand that feeds you." Anyone who risks rejection to help us improve should receive our praise, not our incisors. For "better is open rebuke than hidden love" (Proverbs 27:5). Or as  Solomon said in his sunset years, "It is better for a man to hear the rebuke of the wise than to hear the song of fools" (Ecclesiastes 7:5). Solomon's father, David, sang a song about this: "Let a righteous man strike me--it is kindness; let him rebuke me--it is oil for my head; let my head not refuse it "(Psalm 141:5). 

            Wisdom reserves what is perhaps her harshest rebuke for the fool who refuses to listen: "because I have called and you refused to listen, have stretched out my hand and no one has heeded, because you have ignored all my counsel and would have none of my reproof, I also will laugh at your calamity; I will mock when terror strikes you" (Proverbs 1:24-26). To put it another way, "He who hates reproof is stupid" (12:1). 

            Jesus commands us to rebuke an erring brother (Luke 17:13). Paul followed suit with protege Timothy: "As for those who persist in sin, rebuke them in the presence of all, so the rest may stand in fear" (1 Timothy 5:20). This is an essential for anyone who teaches Scripture (2 Timothy 3:16; 4:2; Titus 1:9, 13; 2:25). One can't correctly teach the Bible without including rebuke.

            Think about this: There is no love without rebuke. The problem is, many of us love to be liked. Yet you can't truly love someone if you won't rebuke them. In fact, rebuke is not optional. What is most telling is who Jesus rebuked. The disciples were his primary target (Mark 16:14; Luke 9:55). For sure, he criticized the Pharisees, Sadducees, and teachers of the law. But the word rebuke is reserved for Jesus's closest followers. He reflects his Father in heaven, who tends to reserve his rebuke for those he put in positions of power (2 Samuel 7:13-14; Psalms 6:1; 38:1; 105:14). This sets precedent for whom we should rebuke. Don't rebuke strangers. Reserve your rebuke for those you have invested in. 

            We often put off a rebuke because we wonder if it is worth the risk. However, ask yourself, "If they repeated this behavior a thousand times, would I say something?" If you say nothing, they probably will repeat that behavior a thousand times. Your rebuke is not simply for past behavior but for future sins.

Meditation In Action: 1. How would you rate yourself on both giving and receiving constructive criticism on a scale of 1-10? 2. How do you tend to respond to reproof: immediately, after an hour, after two or three days? What mental or emotional process do you go through? 3. How can we discern between loving reproof and a critical spirit? 4. What is the most important change you need to make the next time you are reproof?                                  

Meditate on: 1 Timothy 5:20; Hebrews 12:5-6; Revelation 3:19. 

Ask the Holy Spirit to search your heart and reveal any areas of unconfessed sin. Acknowledge these to the LORD and thank Him for His forgiveness. 

                                                        Never Rest Ministries 

                                                                                                                                wisdom

We Are Living During The Big Bang Of Information

                                                  When The Door Slams

There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death. A worker's appetite works for him; his mouth urges him on. A worthless man plots evil, and his speech is like a scorching fire. A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends. A man of violence entices his neighbor and leads him in a way that is not good.                                                                                                (Proverbs 16:27-29 ESV).  

            In the daily lives of human interactions, few works are as vibrant or universal as gossip. It pervades every culture at every level of society, especially through technology. We are living during the big bang of information. The internet, smartphones, smart-tv, AI projects, our private lives and every Tom, Dick and your Mama. Global reputation and wickedness can be manufactured in a matter of minutes. 

            We love to gossip for the same reason we love a good story. We are interested in people--their problems, quirks, and vulnerabilities. Gossip makes us feel better about ourselves, particularly if it takes someone more powerful down a word or two. Yet there is a paradox here. We feel powerful when we share a juicy morsel and see the look of shock, disgust, or amusement on other's face. The problem is that once we reveal the information, our power vanishes because now people know what we do. The power of gossip vanishes the moment it is shared.

            Proverbs 18:8 captures gossip's addictive essence with unsettling accuracy: "The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels; they go down into the inner parts of the body." Like the most delectable dessert, gossip is irresistibly  sweet and undeniably destructive. Proverbs 16:28 warns, "A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends." This highlights a timeless truth: While gossip can inform or entertain, it damages relationships and communities 

            Relationships require trust, and that is precisely what gossip destroys. Proverbs 20:19 takes it further: "Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler." Solomon advised his son to steer clear of friends who gossip about others. Do you think this is kind of harsh? Actually, no, because if someone gossips to your face, they will gossip behind your back. Gossips are controlled by gossip.

            That is why King David added this description to the list of those who could enter God's presence: "who does not slander with his tongue and does no evil to his neighbor, nor takes up a reproach against his friend" (Psalm 15:3). His words in Psalm 101:5 are even sobering: "Whoever slanders his neighbor secretly I will destroy. Whoever has a haughty look and an arrogant heart I will not endure." 

            Gossip/slander is cataloged in a list of sins throughout the New Testament. It sits alongside murder, adultery, and theft (Matthew 15:19; coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, and pride (Mark 7:22); hating God, insolence, haughtiness, boasting, and inventing evil (Romans 1:30); bitterness, wrath, and clamor (Ephesians 4:31); heartlessness, being unappeasable, and brutality (2 Timothy 3:3); slander, anger, and dissension (2 Corinthians 12:20; Colossians 3:8); 1 Timothy 6:4-6; 1 Peter 2:1)--just to name some of the sins. Gossip is not as trivial as we have made it. 

            Think about this: Jesus established a new measure of morality in (Matthew 5). We are judged not merely by our behavior but by our motives. Anger derives from the same motive as murder. Lust and divorce come from the same place as adultery. The reason we don't perform these more egregious sins is not that we are better people but that we fear punishment from God or judgment from others. Some of us are just as bad as murderers, adulterers, and  cowards that will fall for anything. Gossip has a murderous motive without the courage to carry it out. 

            When we talk about Jesus, our gossip will shrivel because we want our words to match our witness. The more we testify about Christ, the less we will gossip around or about those we are trying to influence for him. So if you want to avoid gossip, enlarge your witness by proclaiming the Good News of our LORD and Savor Jesus Christ and the power of The Holy Spirit.  

Meditation In Action: 1. Proverbs 18:8 compares gossip to "delicious morsels." Why do you think gossip is so tasty to us? 2. How can gossip improve or destroy someone's social standing?3. What should you do if someone gossip in front of you? How would your advice change if that person were a boss, a co-worker, a friend, or someone you are supervising? 4.What practical steps can individuals and communities take to reduce and prevent gossip?

Meditate on 1 Corinthians 4:13; 2 Corinthians 6:3-8; 1 Peter 3:16. 

Ask the Holy Spirit to search your heart and reveal any areas of unconfessed sin. Acknowledge these to the LORD and thank Him for His forgiveness.   

                                                Never Rest Ministries

                                                                                                                Wisdom

If You Can't Tell Yourself The Truth, You Can't Tell Others The Truth

                                                 When The Door Slams

Be not a witness against your neighbor without cause, and do not deceive with your lips. Do not say, "I will do to him as he has done to me; I will pay the man back for what he has done.                                                          (Proverbs 24 28-29 ESV) 

            There are three principle arguments for telling the truth. First, truth-telling is foundational for mental health. When people lie, they distort their perception of reality, fracturing their sense of self. Lying causes so much mental stress that skilled counsel can detect it through involuntary micro-expressions. 

            Second, honesty is essential for relational integrity. Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship, whether it's a couple falling in love or two countries negotiating a treaty. truthfulness creates an environment of reliability and safety. In contrast, deceit erodes trust and inevitably leads to suspicion and resentment. 

            Third, honesty is paramount for emotional resilience. If you can't tell others the truth, you can't tell yourself the truth. You will bend to the will and opinions of evil. Though flexibility is a good thing, pliability is demeaning and damaging, not just your own soul, but to every relationship you value. There are simply no social organizations, public or personal, that can endure without a culture of honesty.

            Many prophets have their own accounts of how deception predicts decay in a nation (Jeremiah 5:1-3; Hosea 4:1-3; Amos 5:10-13). Isaiah mourned, "Justice is turned back, and righteousness stands far away; for truth has stumbled in the public squares, and uprightness cannot enter" (Isaiah 59:14). Does this sound familiar? 

            Listen to this: We live in an unprecedented time in human history when fundamental truth are being reimagined. For the first time, marriage has been redefined as something other than a lifelong contract between a man and a woman. This has immense ramifications. Even the basic concept of gender has been redefined as personal preference rather than an unyielding binary fact of X and Y chromosomes. So how can we recover truth? 

            In the gospel of John, Truth is generally a person, not a proposition. John didn't portray Torah as truth as in the Old Testament. He portrayed Jesus as the embodiment of the truth. It begins in Chapter 1: "The Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth" (verse 14). 

            Jesus affirmed that he is the Truth (5:33) and that knowing the Truth will set you free (8:32). He was clearest in John 14:6 when he claimed, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life." At Jesus's trial, when Pilate asked him, "So you are a king?" Jesus said, "You say that I am a king. For this purpose I was born and for this purpose I have come into the world--to bear witness to the truth. Everyone who is of the truth listens to my voice." But Pilate replied, "What is truth?" 18:37-38. Truth was standing in front of Pilate, and tragically, he missed it. It is a mistake we should not repeat. 

            Think about this: One becomes a truthful person by embracing the person of Jesus as the Truth. When your identity comes from him, his truth will grow in you. His truth in you will overcome the temptation to exaggerate, omit details, or otherwise bend the truth in order to artificially prop yourself up. With Jesus in you, you can tell yourself the truth about yourself. 

            Meditation In Action: 1. When have you had to pay the price for a lie? Use the following definition: "A lie is any deceit in word, act, or silence." 2. Discuss this statement: "Truth-telling is more than a matter of doing the right thing; it is an issue of being the right kind of person." 3. How could allegiance to Jesus, the Truth, remove or reduce the temptation to lie?         

Ask the Holy Spirit to search your heart and reveal any areas of unconfessed sin. Acknowledge these to the LORD and thank Him for His forgiveness 

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                                                                                                                            Wisdom

                    

What God Created For Good Can Be Twisted For Evil

                                                 When The Door Slams

A lying tongue hates those it hurts, and a flattering mouth works ruin (Provers 26:28 NIV).  

            To make matters worse, human beings have what psychologists call "confirmation bias": Our brains latch on to information that confirms our existing beliefs. This makes us more likely to trust those who flatter us, even with ample evidence that their intentions are nefarious. We must discern between community-forming compliments and manipulative flattery. Because flattery works. It feels good when people affirm you, even when you know they don't mean it. 

            Centuries before modern psychology understood flattery's influence, Solomon warned his son about flattery "from the forbidden woman, from the adulteress with her smooth words" (Proverbs 2:16). Four more times, he warned of seductive flattery with words like these: "The lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil" (5:3; 6:24; 7:5,21).

            Sexual seduction is but one form of flattery. We find flattery in every social circle. Some people may envy your position at work, power in business, powers in sport, or possessions at home. Consequently, they coddle you with compliments to get close enough to use you for their own advantages. Many want good from you, not good for you. They are not your friends. "Whoever hates disguise himself with his lips and harbors deceit in his heart; when he speaks graciously, believe him not, for there are seven abominations in his heart; though his hatred be covered with deception, his wickedness will be exposed in the assembly" (26:24-26).  

            "The crucible is for silver, and the furnace is for gold, and a man is tested by his praise" (Proverbs 27:21). Criticism can sting, but praise can cripple. It can cripple your discernment and stunt your improvement. Sometimes we flatter ourselves to justify sin we are about to commit or to soothe our battered conscience afterward. King David's warning is worth remembering: "Transgression speaks to the wicked deep in his heart; there is no fear of God before his eyes. For he flatters himself in his own eyes that his iniquity cannot be found out and hated. The words of his mouth are trouble and deceit; he has ceased to act wisely and do good" (Psalm 36:1-3). Your true friends are those who tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. 

            Think about this: Because flattery is so effective with people, people often try it with God (to ill effect). Asaph bemoaned this fact in Psalm 78:35-36: "They remembered that God was their rock, the Most High God their redeemer. But they flattered him with their mouths; they lied to him with their tongues." Think about that. We even try to flatter God to get what we want. He isn't fooled. He says himself, "This people draw near with their mouth and honor me with their lips, while their hearts are far from me, and their fear of me is a commandment taught by men" (Isaiah 29:13).

            What's shocking is that flatterers are often found in church leadership. Paul warns us about them: "Such persons do not serve our Lord Christ, but their appetites, and by smooth talk and flattery they deceive the hearts of the naive" (Romans 16:18). So does Peter: "In their greed they will exploit you with false words. Their condemnation from long ago is not idle, and their destruction is not asleep" (2 Peter 2:3 ). If both Paul and Peter warned about flatterers in the church leadership, perhaps we should pay attention.

            Meditation In Action: 1. When was a time you were overtaken by flattery ? 2. What are the key differences between genuine compliments and flattery? How we discern between the two? 3. Have you seen flattery used to manipulate people in various social circles--friendships, work and church? 4. What steps can we take to guard ourselves against the dangers of flattery? 

            Meditate on Romans 16:18; 1 Thessalonians 2:5; 2 Timothy 4:3.  

Ask the Holy Spirit to search your heart and reveal any areas of unconfessed sin. Acknowledge these to the LORD and thank Him for His forgiveness.        

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 their rock,           

        

While Fools Stumble Blindly, The Wicked Calculate Their Steps.

                                                 When The Door Slams

For they eat the bread of wickedness and drink the wine of violence. But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, which shines brighter and brighter until full day. The way of the wicked is like deep darkness; they do not know over what they stumble.                                                                                      (Proverbs 4:17-19 ESV)

            We seem to have a fascination with evil. We are curious about what makes evil people tick and perhaps wonder how much of them is in us. Psychologists have identified three personalities they call "the Dark Triad": narcissism, treacherous and psychotic. Narcissism combines grandiosity and a need for admiration with a lack of empathy. Treacherous involves a mastery of manipulation, exploitation, and deceit. Psychotic is marked by impulsivity, selfishness, callousness, and a lack of remorse. The Dark Triad makes one capable of extreme cruelty. It is seen in historical figures, dictators, governments and public figures have been identified and demonstrating the behaviors of the Dark Triad. The book of Proverbs simply calls these behaviors "wicked."

            While fools stumble blindly, the wicked calculate their steps. That's the difference, and it's not inconsequential. Fools and the wicked share some of the same behaviors, but the wicked are far more nefarious. Not only are they more cunning and practiced, but their personality traits also enable them to rise to positions of power. Solomon observed, "The wicked accepts a bribe in secret to pervert the ways of justice" (Proverbs 17:23). This frustrated Solomon as he grew older. He regreted the success of the wicked in his final book: In my vain life I have seen everything. There is a righteous man who perishes in his righteousness, and there is a wicked man who prolongs his life in his evildoing" (Ecclesiastes 7:15). "Why does the wicked prosper? Why do all who are treacherous thrive?" (Jeremiah 12:1). We have all felt that sting in today world. 

            Yet the Scriptures promise that the righteous will be rewarded and the wicked punished: "The fear of the LORD prolongs life, but the years of the wicked will be short" (Proverbs 10:27). This promise is repeated throughout the Old Testament (Psalms 37:13; 92:7; Proverbs 24:19-20; Isaiah 57:20-21). What should we do with our frustration over this seemingly unfulfilled promise? 

            Think about this: Feel free, to complain to God about the wickedness you see and suffer. Job, David, and Jeremiah are among the righteous who complained to God about the flourishing of the wicked. Pour out your frustration and fury. Then once you have vented your frustration, settle into your faith in God's goodness. After all, even if you don't understand or appreciate what God is doing, it is not like we have many other options to turn to. God will make it right in His time, not ours. "The LORD has made everything for its purpose, even the wicked for the day of trouble" (Proverbs 16:4).         

Meditation In Action: (1) There is plenty of evil in our world. What are you seeing today that you find most troublesome? (2) Why do you think wicked people often rise to the top of their professions? (3) How do you reconcile the frustration you feel when the wicked prosper with the promises of Scripture that the wicked will ultimately face justice? (4) What obligation does the church have in being the moral compass for the world? What is your role in that? 

Ask the Holy Spirit to search your heart and reveal any areas of unconfessed sin. Acknowledge these to the LORD and thank Him for His forgiveness. 

                                                 Never Rest Ministries

                                                                                                                    Wisdom

                  

Prayer For Deliverance

                                                 When The Door Slams

The past of the just is like the shinning sun, that shines ever brighter unto the perfect day. The way of the wicked is like darkness; they do not know what makes them stumble.                                                                                 (Proverbs 4:18-19 NKJV) 

            Father, in Jesus's name, I loose myself from all relationships that are not ordained of God; all relationships that are not of the Spirit but of the flesh; all relationships based on control, domination, or manipulation; and all relationships based on lust and deception. 

            In the name of Jesus, I loose all members of my body, including my mind, memory, eyes, ears, tongue, hands, feet, and my entire sexual character, from all lust, perversion, sexual impurity, uncleanness, lasciviousness, promiscuity, pornography, fornication, homosexuality, fantasy, filthiness, burning passion, and uncontrollable sex drive.

            I loose myself from the effects of all bad memories, painful memories, and memories of the past that would hinder me in the present or future. I loose myself from all occult involvement, rebellion, all confusion, sickness, death, and destruction as a result of occult involvement. 

            In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, by the authority given to me to bind and loose, I loose my emotions from every evil spirit that has come in as a result of experiences of the past. I loose myself from all hurt, deep hurt, pain, sadness, grief, anger, hatred, rage, bitterness, fear, and bound and blocked emotions. I command these spirits to come out, and I decree freedom to my emotions in the name of Jesus. 

            I loose my mind from all spirits of mind control, confusion, mental bondage, insanity, madness, fantasy, passivity, intellectualism, knowledge block, ignorance, mind binding, lust, and evil thinking. I loose myself from all guilt, shame, condemnation, self-condemnation, and legalism. 

            I loose my will from all control domination and manipulation from Satan, his demons, and other people. I loose my will from all lust, rebellion, stubbornness, pride, self-will, selfishness, and ant submissive spirits that block and hinder my will. I break and loose myself from all chains around my will, and I submit my will to the will of God.

Ask the Holy Spirit to search your heart and reveal any areas of unconfessed sin. Acknowledge these to the LORD and thank Him for His forgiveness.

                                                        Never Rest Ministries.